


Truth, Love, and Doritos

by Natasha_Romancandle



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Absolute Trash, Avengers - Freeform, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Pure Crack, clint has a farm, god bless, im so sorry, mostly a bunch of stony, theres a picture at the end, with a little clintasha on the side
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-25 16:35:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2628704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natasha_Romancandle/pseuds/Natasha_Romancandle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"My boyfriend is a delicious snack!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Truth, Love, and Doritos

**Author's Note:**

> You know that episode of Spongebob where he thinks he turns Squidward into an ice cream cone? Well this is that but with Doritos. I'm so sorry. As always thanks to fluffy for being my moral support and also making that beautiful picture you'll see at the end. You da bes fluff

It was on a humid summer day when Steve and Tony were relaxing on the porch of Clint's farm house, watching the sunset together.

"Tony, why exactly does Clint even have a farm? What does he grow?"

"I dunno. Arrows probably," Steve chucked then took a sip of his lemonade. "Did you know he talks to the arrows?"

"He does not. You're lying," Steve accused, giving Tony his infamous look of disbelief. The shorter man scoffed.

"I definitely am not! He even named them all. His favorite is Siobhan. I'm pretty sure him and Natasha use them for foreplay." Tony shuddered, turned his back to Steve and stared into the sky. Steve furrowed his brows in disgust and tried to processes the new, unwanted information then silently rose out of his chair and shuffled into the house.

Unaware of Steve's absence, Tony began to ramble.

"God this is just a beautiful view. Not as beautiful as you, obviously. But I wish we had a view like this in New York. I should make some readjustments. You know I..."

During Tony's monologue, Clint jumped from his spot on the roof, landed quietly on the porch and rolled across it to where Steve was sitting. He placed a single Dorito in the chair and sprinted back into the house giggling to himself silently.

"...then the next thing you know I grab the chicken and run but there's still a fork in my thigh and half the gardens on fire. Crazy shit. You okay there babe? You've been oddly silent."

Tony turned around and let out a (manly) shriek. He sprinted across the porch and gently picked up the Dorito, cradling it in his hands.

"This has gotta be some sort of..psycho asgardian witchcraft. It's Loki I just know it. What's his fucking problem. Alright Steve we're gonna fix this, I swear." Tony softly pressed the Dorito into his chest and ran into the house.

He skid to a halt in the kitchen, slamming his free hand on the counter in front of Clint.

"Clint this is all your fault why did you have to bring us to this stupid farm house why the fuck you have a farm what the fuck oh my God now thanks to you Steve is a DORITO."

Clint gaped at him.

"Steve..is a Dorito?"

"Yes! I turned my back for one second then the next thing I know Steve's a Dorito. My boyfriend is a delicious snack. It was Loki. He's just fucking with us now. How do we fix it?!"

Tony raked his hand through his hair, leaving a residue of cheese dust. Clint snorted but quickly disguised it as a cough then put his hand on Tony's shoulder.

"Tony, calm down. I don't know what Loki's ulterior motive was, but we have to stay calm. We'll fix this. Let me see Steve."

Tony hesitantly placed the Dorito in Clint's hand. He held it up to the light and scrunched his eyes in concentration while Tony rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet impatiently. Clint looked at Tony, smiled, then shoved the Dorito in his mouth whole.

Tony let out a horrifyingly high pitched noise and slapped Clint in the face.

"What the FUCK Tony!"

Tony grabbed Clint by the shoulders and started shaking him.

"You ate Steve! What the hell is wrong with you oh my God Clint no spit him out you're tearing him limb from limb I-" Tony was cut off by Clint giving him a reciprocating slap to the face.

"What the hell is going on?!"

The two men whipped their heads around to look at a very confused Steve who was standing in the doorway. Tony ripped his arms away from Clint and dashed towards Steve. He jumped up and wrapped all his limbs around the blond, who nearly dropped him before he caught Tony with one arm.

"Clint played a horrible prank on me and I thought Loki turned you into a Dorito thank God you're okay." Tony began planting desperate kisses all over his boyfriend's face and Steve laughed despite the blush that creeped up his neck.

"Tony. Honey. Calm down. You thought Loki turned me into a chip?"

"Well he turned Thor into a frog so.."

"I actually forgot about that. I don't know how. He destroyed half of New York," Steve shook his head. "That's besides the point. It's kind of cute you were so worried about me." Steve used the hand he wasn't holding Tony up with to poke his nose.

"And I think this position we're in is kind of hot."

"I can't say I disagree." Tony smirked and pressed his lips against Steve's.

Clint sighed and pulled the bag of Doritos off the counter. He shoved a handful in his mouth and nodded at Natasha, who walked around the awkward display of affection and leaned against the counter beside him.

"There's a lot of questions I could ask right now."

"I'll tell you later."

Clint shuddered when Tony let out a particularly loud moan. Natasha raised her eyebrow at the two who were frantically kissing, shrugged, then gave Clint a quick peck on the cheek. He smiled and offered her the bag in his hand.

"Dorito?"

"Don't mind if I do."

 

 


End file.
